What's up, Doc?

The other day I went to the doctor because the dull pain in my lower left side of my stomach had turned into sharp, stabby pain. Dull I can live with, hey, there's 5 pharmacies in a 10 mile radius. Sharp, stabby, holy-hell-kill-me pain? Yeah, not so much.


Packed up Kidlette, downloaded an App to keep her busy, and off to the urgent care we trekked. After an hour wait, (with 3 other people in the waiting room), the Doc finally got to me.


Things it is not: pregnancy, (lack required activity), STD, (again: lack required activity, also: condoms), cancer, and a hernia.


Diagnoses: not a fucking clue. Here's some antibiotics you may or may not need! Oh, and one of them is so hypersensitive to alcohol, trace amounts will send you to the ER. "Like, how 'trace' is 'trace amounts'?" As in, if the alcohol in your hand soap touches your skin, you will become deathly ill and be sent to the ER. Oh, and a liquid diet for 3-4 days.


Well, damn, Doc! Sign my ass UP.


Not.


Here's the deal, Doc. Damn near everything I use on a daily basis has some amount of alcohol in it. Soap, face wash, hair products, cooking ingrediants. Yeah. I'd rather not live in a bubble for a week. Also, I've been on an all-liquid diet, when I had my wisdom teeth yanked. By day three I would've punched a puppy for some friggin' scrambled eggs.


Also: not a fan of pill-taking. Hell, I have to set an alarm to take my daily dosage of anti-seizure meds that I take every single day. A pill that may or may not work, that is so sensitive to a common product that it'll send my happy ass to the ER? I'll pass, thanks.


But let's not try to figure out what it is or anything. Would hate to have you to actually look for the problem. That might require more than a scintilla of thinking and work. Lord knows we don't want that.


In the meantime, if it's all the same to you, I'll just curl up with some Chardonnay and some Tylenol. 


Fuckers.

Seriously. We're funny IRL.

Merlot is in white, Mad Housewife in green...












- Posted from my iPhone. Cause I'm freakin awesome.