My OB is located on the third floor of our local hospital. And the office is sandwiched between two midwife practices.
Despite my unwillingness to have another child until I forget how badly the first one hurt, I still hate all pregnant women.
Yes, all of you.
It would make a world of difference if I could get pregnant at will, if I had the CHOICE to get pregnant or not. But unfortunately, I have hypothyroidism. Which causes anovulation.
My husband and I tried to get pregnant for an inordinate amount of time. We started trying in February 2008, and quit trying in December 2010.
That's a LONG FUCKING TIME.
Apparently I'm stupid and didn't connect that fact that, while we had the frequent sex part down, the eggs kinda need to cooperate in order to actually make a baby. My eggs all take after me: they're incredibly fucking stubborn, and do whatever they want, how they want, when they want.
So, due to my refusal to take any more Clomid (because it makes me homicidal), we decided to quit trying. I decided to lose weight (the doctor's nonmedicinal cure for anovulation) and get an IUD.
Because the LAST fucking thing I need is to get knocked up halfway through losing the fifty or sixty pounds I need to take off. Kind of detrimental to the whole plan.
Back to the stabbing.
So I'm stuck in the OB waiting room, watching pregnant women waddle back and forth all around me. My four year old, while looking absolutely beautiful and adorable, is sitting in the chair next to me and POKING ME. Repeatedly.
I wanted to kill her, but there were witnesses and cameras and the like.
So all these pregnant bitches are all over my kid like "Awwwwwww, she's SUCH A DOLL!!!!" Yes, she is, but GODDAMMIT what you CAN'T SEE is that this child is being SECRETLY ANNOYING AS HELL and despite how cute she is I WANT TO KILL HER!!!!
On top of this, there's like six pregnant women in the waiting room with me. All of them are looking me up and down, trying to assess how far along I am. I'm not pregnant, I'M FAT AND I HAVE HUGE BOOBS STOP FUCKING STARING AT ME GOD. DAMN. IT.
And they're all smugly holding their bellies, rubbing them like they've got OCD, and I just want to scream at them all:
"STOP FUCKING DOING THAT, YOU'RE NOT GESTATING THE BABY JESUS!!!!"
My logical self doesn't want another baby. My emotional self is screaming "WHY YOU? WHY NOT ME? I SHOULD BE THE ONE WHO'S PREGNANT!!!! FUCK YOU GUYS! WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?"
(My emotional self is incredibly loud.)
So, if you're pregnant and find yourself sitting in the waiting room next to a woman with an impossibly adorable four year old, and she's attempting to ignore all your attempts at communication, (and she's dressed incredibly fashionably), that's me. And I hate you.
~ The Mad Housewife