So, I feel a little bit better...

...because I went out to the mall with a friend today, and I scored a pair of superdark skinny jeans, IN MY SIZE!!! They don't cause muffin top (too much), they're the exact perfect length, and they make my butt look good. Oh, and they were on super sale :)


Never underestimate the power of a good pair of jeans.

Today was just NOT my day...

... I had a doctor's appointment first thing in the morning for a pelvic exam. I would like to shoot whoever invented the speculum.


Then the doctor sent me to have a transvaginal ultrasound. For those of you not familiar with the procedure, the ultrasound wand is a foot long stick of hard, cold plastic and when the tech tells you "Don't worry honey, this won't hurt," she's lying.


When I picked up my kid from my friend's house, there was a plate of baked goodies sitting on my front porch (courtesy of my awesome next door neighbor!) This was a good thing, until I ran next door to thank said neighbor. In the middle of our 5 minute chat, my child decided to throw a screaming-kicking-crying on the floor temper tantrum. Close your eyes and imagine the worst, and that's what it was. I had to make a hasty retreat, tail between my legs, dragging my screaming-kicking-crying toddler behind me.

To add a cherry on top of my already fantastic day, my husband's cat decided to take a massive crap on the lining of my kid's best wool coat.  All because SOMEONE (his name starts with H and ends with D) forgot to clean out the catbox. 

I can't decide whether to put the cat or the husband outside...

Because I enjoy indulging in my neurosis...

I've always been a little OCD, cheap, obsessed with frugal when it comes to money.  (It makes sense, brokeness breeds good money habits!)  So when I find an opportunity to get a great deal, I usually hang on tight with both hands (and occasionally squeeze it to death).

This weekend I haven't been able to tear myself away from my computer!  Blame Craigslist.  They have a free section.  (I know, duh, I'm behind the times.  But I've spent the past 5-ish years in bootcamp, Iraq, pregnant, chasing a toddler, ect.  I have been busy people!)

Anyway, over this weekend I've scored:

- An almost brand-new full size bed and boxspring for my spare bedroom

- A side-by-side fridge for the garage

- A loveseat

Everything's in great shape and it's been fun making my husband run like crazy around the city.

Ahhhh, I love free stuff.  It's on my top ten list right under orgasms and cookies.

So while we're on the subject, I want all ya'll to cough up your money-saving tips.  Help me indulge in my tightwad obsession!  I know ya'll have some tricks hidden up your respective sleeves.  Anything goes!  One frugal success makes me hungry for more. 

Hey, better a craving for frugality than a craving for that cookie dough that is currently taunting me from my freezer...

Life's a zoo, bring your stroller...

Against my better judgement, (and after much prodding and poking of my husband) we headed out to the free day at the Denver Zoo. It took us an HOUR AND A HALF to find parking (I don't even want to talk about the drive there...). It seemed like the entire damn city came out. People were literally parking 3-4 miles away. Hubby and I finally decided to drive back up to the main parking lot and follow a family who was leaving back to their car. We had a spot within ten minutes :). Sneaky, yes. But whatever works right?


Let's just say this entire trip was an exercise in marital teamwork. But hey, I got some really cute pictures! I <3 pictures.

(Elephante!  Yea, my hubby was singing the theme song from "Diego" the ENTIRE time."

 

(This dude was contemplating eating my child.)

(Happy Feet!!!)

This is a nonpartisan blog....

.... but I couldn't resist. 

Thank God.

Now excuse me, I have an inauguration to watch.

I am a freakin insomniac...

I haven't been blogging a lot lately- it's not that I have brain freeze, but that I'm EXHAUSTED.  SCREW YOU THYROID DISEASE and all the other diseases that the VA diagnosed me with (but that I'm trying to forget about).

I have another reason... every time I try and start a post, I've found that all I want to do is complain.  Really, REALLY complain.  I want to complain about my husband (because obviously 23 is really 13 in man years...), about the crushing pain and exhaustion that's trying to take over my life, at the fact that my child refuses to potty train... AAAAGH!

In short, I've been letting the little annoyances get me down, waaaaaaaay down.  Which is so, so wrong.  I girl can only bitch so much (actually I can bitch a LOT, but I'm not going to go there...)

So, this week I'm trying to focus on the positive stuff (and I really, REALLY need ya'lls help on this one).  I've got a handsome, hardworking husband, a beautiful daughter, a gorgeous house, good friends, I can cook like a motherfucker....  and I'm totally out of ideas.  Throw me a couple bones people.

A gem of wisdom, courtesy of my hubby...

"I wonder if the key to generating brain cells is in the testicles?"
~my husband


Dude, I bet you're right. At least that explains my ex husband.

I've been trying to change my procrastinating ways for the New Year...

...But obviously old ways die hard!  Here's some decorating-the-tree pictures from Christmas Eve that are too cute not to share.

(I love little girls in pigtails)

(My extraordinarily handsome hubby putting on the finishing touch)

(Voila!  Tree goodness)

I still haven't taken the damn thing down yet either.

There's a very good reason that my daughter isn't dating until she's THIRTY...

... It's no secret that I dislike my ex husband. After all, there are many good reasons that he is an ex. But reason numero uno is that he's a real douchebag extremely unpleasant to be around/communicate with/talk to/attempt to reason with. I think you get my point.

I've been trying to get up the nerve to post about my ex's recent holiday visitation with my kid, which ended on New Year's Day. It's taken me a solid WEEK to be able to even THINK about what happened without swearing profusely (yes, more profusely than I do already). I literally couldn't type I was so damn angry!

First of all, I would like to state my opinion that no one under the age of 21 should be allowed to get married. Period. If you can't drink at your own wedding, it just shouldn't be happenin. I realize that I have a strong personal bias, however I stand firm on my viewpoint. I got married (for the first time, to my ex husband, SIGH) shortly after I turned 19. At 19, all the stupid teenager brain cells had not yet been purged from my grey matter. I did not yet possess the common sense one usually employs when selecting a life partner. Sigh. Again. And this is why my kid is not dating, ever. Not until she's thirty. Before the big 3-0 she can have boys come to the house and visit, and they can sit in the living room and converse. While I sit between them on the couch and clean my 12 gauge.

(As a side note, I do know many people who married young and are still married and happy. I am not one of those people.)

Back to my ex husband. I don't want to wish evil upon anyone, but there are a few, ahem, events that I wouldn't mind happening to my ex:

1. He gets stationed in Antarctica. I know there's no military bases out there, but I hope the DoD makes an exception just for him.

2. He decides to renounce his worldly possessions and becomes a monk in a remote area somewhere, without any way to communicate with the outside world.

3. Bermuda Triangle. 'Nuff said.

4. Alien abduction.

That being said, I'm not angry because for the TEN DAYS my ex had my child, I didn't get ONE of my phone calls answered or returned. I'm not angry because I had NO idea where she was staying (I had an educated guess, but that's still a guess!). I'm not even angry that I wasn't allowed to communicate with my only baby for TEN DAYS.

I'm not angry because my ex was extraordinarily rude when he dropped off my child. I'm not angry that he yelled, screamed at, and generally insulted my husband and I. I'm not even angry that the man charged up my driveway and got 3 inches from my face. Nope, not angry at all.

I AM angry because I did NOT receive my two and 1/2 year old child back in the same condition that I sent her in. After my ex drove off like an angry maniac, my husband and I went back inside the house. I took off my daughter's coat, picked her up, gave her a big hug and...

... ended up with a soggy handful of poop. What the fuck? It turns out that my kid, my still-in-the-process-of-being-potty-trained toddler, was soaked from the waist down with, well, waste. She was wearing white tights and from the stains on said tights (and the condition of her pull-up) it was evident that she hadn't been changed/taken to the potty in HOURS. HOURS people! It was a nine hour drive from his place to ours, and my husband thinks that's about how long he'd left the kid in the same pull-up.

Who the hell acts like that?

Well, I took pictures and sent them to my lawyer along with a detailed account of all that occurred.

You don't fuck with a mama bear's cub.  Apparently, my ex husband is going to have to learn that the hard way.

And he stole my pink diaper bag.  Fucker.

I am officially cool...

... I got my first blog award!!  Whoohoo!  Mary, one of my fellow military wives saw fit to bestow upon me the Lemonade Award!  How cool is that?  Check it out:

Apparently my blog is both sweet and sour (and yummy!!!).  To be more accurate, my blog recipe includes lemons, sugar, and VODKA but I digress.

Mary, I heart you.  Way to make me start drinkin early girlie!

Snoooooooooowwwww!!!!

I'm sure posting a fuck of a lot of pictures aren't I? But these one's of the Kid's first time playing in the snow are priceless. And it's midnight and I'm tired.

(Daddy love.)

(Hurry up Daddy, the playground's right here!)

Since I have the worst insomnia EVER...

...here's the last of the PCS-Road-Trip-to-the-Land-of-the-Rocky-Mountains photos.


Say that five times fast. I dare ya.

And be forewarned, this post abounds with scenic photographs.

(Windmills!  Made me want to get out and joust)

(Driving straight into a rainstorm)

(Proof that there is nothing in Oklaholma as far as the eye can see.  NOTHING.)

(The first Denver sign.  Thank you LORD.)

(This is the first snow I had seen in about 15 years.  Not kidding)