I happen to be one of those people who naturally attract drama/accidents/natural disasters to them. If there is a trip hazard around, it'll be MY ass on the ground. If I forget to bring a sippy cup, my kid will be thirsty and we'll be half an hour from the nearest water fountain/drive thru. And the phone will ring the INSTANT I decide to step into the shower. Never fails.
So of course I wasn't suprised when, while standing in line at the grocery store yesterday, my uterus decided to suddenly get a mind of it's own and wage a full scale WAR against me. I won't go too far into the gory details, but I was freaked out enough to waste an evening in the emergency room. Let's just say that there was major bleeding and clotting in places where there should NOT be major bleeding and clotting.
The docs weren't sure if I was having another miscarriage or not (it was too early in my cycle to tell). But they still felt the need to shove varied and interesting objects up my vajayjay. I'm just glad that I managed to convince the hubby to stay in the room with me while I was getting molested by metal, plastic, and the gay doctor with the fantastic bedside manner. Having convinced hubs that, in a hospital setting, my vagina would a) not attack him or b) cause a zombie outbreak, he cowboyed up and held my hand. Of course, I enjoyed the conversation the two boys had while my lady parts were on public display- both men agreed that they were pretty damn happy not to be women. After that little display, my hubby's just lucky that he didn't suffer a VERY painful death by speculum.
Either way, I only know two things for sure: One, I'm not bleeding to death internally. Which is good. Two, I should probably pay a visit to the OB. Which should be SOOOOO pleasant. More things shoved up my nether regions. I just don't get it- why the HELL don't they make heated, silicone padded speculums? Maybe in a nice, soothing color like pink. Or maybe they can make speculums that resemble dongs, so that at least they look familiar.