So, the reality of this whole being infertile thing is starting to hit me, HARD. What can I say, self-preserving denial has always been a particular talent of mine. I have my first appointment with my Reproductive Endocrinologist on March 19th. And I am terrified. I'm praying that my thyroid disease is the cause of all my problems, because that's fixable. I'm so scared that this doctor will find out that there are other things wrong with my lady parts.
With secondary infertility comes a strange sort of survivor's guilt. So many women would die for just one child, and I already have a beautiful little girl (who, at the moment, is forcing me to type one-handed because she's attached to my arm like a little monkey). I feel like I sound ungrateful for wanting another baby so badly. I feel like I should just shut my mouth and praise God for the one child He's blessed me with.
I have to remember to ask my neighbor to watch my kid, because I can't take her with me to the freaking fertility clinic. I can't imagine inflicting my toddler on a waiting room full of women who can't get pregnant. They'd throw my ass out the door!
It's been 13 months since my husband and I started trying for another baby. For fuck's sake, I got pregnant the first time on the first try. Literally, I conceived THAT MONTH. It's maddening to think about.
Please keep your fingers crossed for me! I'm going to go keep myself busy cleaning house and putting my pictures up on the wall.
7 comments:
I'm sorry you are feeling terrified. It's funny that you posted this today. Look out for a show on Dr Phil within the next couple of weeks. My Stroller Strides fitness instructor will be on his show for the secondary infertility. They came here to Phoenix last week to shoot at her house, then on Monday she and her hubby went to LA to tape in studio. Her name is Kelly and hubby is Bret. She is obsessed with getting pregnant again, to the point of having written the show. When she told me she had written (a month ago) I told her good luck- they ain't gonna call you- and then they did a week later! So, hopefully you can get some other insight and maybe direction if you watch the show..? let me know if you get to see it.
You are right, you are blessed, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you want to share the joy of a child with your husband. Good luck to you. :) You'll be fine...and don't be nervous. It's not like that will get you anything, right? What's there is there, so all you have to do is handle what the doc dishes out. :) Chin up!
I know there can be other reasons, but want to make sure you know that being hypothyroid, especially while on any T4 med like Synthroid, Levoxyl, etc, can result in the failure to get pregnant. I have seen several gals on thyroid groups get pregnant once they got on Armour and raised it high enough. This website explains about Armour and the problem with T4 meds: www.stopthethyroidmadness.com The book is good, too. p.s. I really like your blog.
I know how you feel. I'm sorry. My fingers and toes are crossed! Let us know how it goes. :)
Best wishes! I will keep my fingers crossed for you...
Honey, how I feel your pain. I truly do.
Praying for ya, sweety.,
(((Hugs)))
I was wondering if you were ever gonna post about this. Doesn't it feel good to get it off your chest?
I'm so sorry you are going through this. My dear friend is going through secondary infertility while I'm going through my infertility and our feelings are the same. We want a baby. Yes she is blessed with one, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't want another one just as much.
I hope it happens for you soon. You are in my thoughts.
Maybe trying rubbing your ovaries??!
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